Asking For Forgivness

 

 I have a folder that I named Favorites and I have taken elements from several of my favorite kits and put into one folder and I sometimes surprise myself and take a look in it and it never fails to surprise me. 

 These images are bought and paid for or they are gifts or from friends blogs that post their kits for free and I enjoy using but I have had to learn to credit the designers and years ago when I started doing digital scrapbooking very few of us in our group even knew about all of the rules.

 There is only 1 that I know personally that draws and paints from scratch but for all the years I have been doing this she is the only one that I know because most designers just goes and buys the elements and then put in their kits. 

 Most of all I have learned that I do not have to be a designer in order to go and buy certain elements. Some come with TOU's (Terms Of Use) but tons of the elements are free so I get them from random places.

 Anyway if I make a page for you it is a gift from me to you. You can print them out to frame or use them to make cards or post them on your blog, what ever you feel like doing with them they are yours free and clear.

 I would love to have your ok to share the pages I make for you to post on my blog and if I have to credit the kit back to the designer it is nothing that you will see on your page but I try to put my water mark on the pages. So many people steal our work and so I do try to have my water mark in a very small blended into the page. Enjoy!!!! (But sometimes I do forget to put it on.)

 Hi,

 I am asking for forgiveness for just dropping off cyberspace and especially my blog.

 I have been in a dark place for at least a month now and today I talked with Miss Edna and she had some very good advice for me. She asked me why I wasn't blogging anymore and I was going to try and explain how I tend to withdraw from people and even blogging and I told her, I really don't have anything to blog about and for me that was the truth but for her it was (Uhhh No, I am not buying that. What did you do yesterday?)

 So I told her some things and she said "Beth that is a whole page of things to blog." and I thought... sheesh she is right!!!!

 It is really late right now. It is 2:30 in the morning and it is 86 degrees with the heat index it feels like 93 degrees. Oh yes it really is hot and sticky.

 I had been noticing a rancid smell in my bed and I just couldn't figure out what it could be and I finally figured it out. When Laurie and her family was here I let them use one of my blankets and it was the one that the baby slept on and of course he would pee pee during the night and I am thinking that was the smell even tho I had washed it when they left but I stripped my bed at 11:00pm tonight and I prewashed my blanket and then I washed it again with some great smelling laundry soap and I have just finished making up my bed and I am so tired and want to go and crawl into bed but I decided that I needed to say a few words here before I do.

 One of the reasons that I have been in a dark place is a family issue. Remember a while back that I blogged about cutting a person out of my life at least digitally on social media?

 Well today was the day. Enough was Enough and I won't lie, it was hard. Harder I guess because it was family. My sister actually. 

 A few months ago and I have been trying to remember but I think that it was close to when I flew to Reno to be with my granddaughter for her birthday or maybe it was right after I got back my sister called to tell me that she and the man she had been with for the past 35 years or so was splitting up. You know.. I think it was right before Christmas because I remember talking to her and she was wrapping Christmas gifts with her daughter they were splitting up.

 I don't remember the next time that she called me but the guy that she split up from got married right after Christmas. She didn't take it well at all.

 I told my sister I wasn't taking sides and I meant it. I seen a post saying that he had gotten married and the profile was him and his new wife and I accepted his friend request. 

 I didn't think anything about it because he is a great guy and I was happy to know that he was happy. But I kept my conversations pretty short and so did they. I congratulated them and asked what they were up too and they had moved out to the country and had just bought 45 baby chicks.

 That is what we talked about. Living in the country and having a garden and really that is about all.

 That is also around the time that I had blood poison from my kidney that turned Sepsis and I was in the hospital.

 Do you know, other than my kids who called and checked on me every single day I was in the hospital... Yes him and his new wife. Other than my kids they are the only ones that called me. I called my sister and let her know but my sister Linda text me, but I was so very sick and I wasn't paying attention to phone calls but I did call her. 

 She said that the reason she didn't call was because she knew I was really bad sick. She could have called anyone of my kids to find out how I was but she didn't.

 After I got home Karyn came over with my little Keurig coffee maker and she was showing me how to use it when my phone rang. It was my sister calling me to say.... "Why are you still friends with him and his new wife on Facebook? That is a insult to me. If you don't un-friend them then I will have no choice but to un-friend you."

 Well I still wasn't feeling my best and I didn't want any drama so I sent him a private message and said that to keep the peace I was going to unfriend them but they coud always reach me by sending me a message on my phone or on Messenger.

 They said that they understood and that they were there if I ever needed anything. 

 I may have things not in sequence in my retelling because a lot of my time is still not clear in my head. It all happened but maybe not totally in order.

 Anyway about the time that the boys bought the car they had questions and they asked if their uncle might know some good information and I thought to myself that this was just silly so I sent them a friend request and they accepted.

 We didn't talk about much. Out of the 45 chickens they only had a few left because on 3 separate occasions coyotes got them. It was really upsetting and so we talked about the steps to protect future chicks.

 It really doesn't matter what we talked about. The fact is we talked. Now my sister has nothing to do with me really. She never calls me and she never likes anything I put on Facebook and she never answers my calls so color me surprised when I got up this morning... Yesterday morning I had a text from her that said.... "Beth I thought that you deleted... him and his wife but I have people asking me why my sister was friends with him after the shitty way that he did me."

 I didn't respond. About that time my other sister called me and she said.. Oh she was mad and she unfriended you. I said okay. So I went to Facebook and Deleted and blocked her.

 There was no people asking her why her sister was friends with her ex. I know this because I am not friends with any of her friends or even her kids. She went searching my contacts and friends. She could go thru my older sister and my middle sister to see my friends but what is funny ironically is that she called my younger sister and said... "Beth blocked me." so my sister responded, "Well you un-friended her so that is usually what people do." She also supposedly said that I disrespected her by not deleting them.

 So wait... She unfriends me but gets mad because I blocked and deleted her? Well it is obvious I can't win with her but I don't want to either. I have put up with her games for years and I just had enough but it is still hard to do this, but I needed to do it for me.

 All of this is control. She thought that she could tell everyone that was friends with him that they needed to choose her over him and she has lost. 

 I know one other person that blocked and deleted her not just on social media but on her phone as well. I left her on my phone but if she gives me any hell, I will delete her from my phone as well.

 I told her that I wasn't going to pick sides. He didn't leave me... He left her. (But she was saying for a long time that she wished he would leave and take his dogs with him. So he did.

 For as long as they were together he asked her over and over to marry him and she wouldn't do it so after she started treating him bad he not only left but he found someone who did want to marry him. And he married the girl. 

 She isn't as innocent as she wants people to believe. Personally I think that this falls back to control.

 She has never been dumped before. She was always the first one to end a relationship. She divorced her first husband and moved to Tennessee and then re-married her first husband and filed for divorce again. So she dumped her first husband twice.

 This go round he beat her to it and it is eating her up inside. She needs therapy or counseling and some medication. She needs someone to talk to. She needs to find something to do that will take her mind off of everyone that upsets her. I know that I can't help her.

 Well it is super late/early here. It is now 5:00 am. I could make a cup of coffee but I think that I will just say thank you for letting me vent and I will talk to you later on... Hugs to all. BB