Saturday, September 22, 2018

Feelings And Other Things

I cannot put links to this kit as Patsy is away and I am not sure which stores this kit is in. But tomorrow I will add the links in a update. The name of this kit is Autumn Crisp. It was one of the very first kits she ever made and one of my favorites. And this is huge... Yesterday the page that I posted was also made from Autumn Crisp. I just had it in the wrong folder...

 I think that I have my comments fixed. It took me a long time reading the help sections, then asking questions, filling out a ticket for support but I actually think that I have it fixed. Gosh I hope so.

 Well the title of this blog is Feelings And Other Things. I guess that I should give a little background but regardless I am not even sure where to begin. Or even if I should begin at all but I do know that if I can write or journal about the things that bother me, it does help so I will try to at least word it all to where it makes sense. If possible that is.

 Ever since I was a little girl I have always worn my feelings on my sleeves. I was very timid growing up. No matter what happened I was always to blame. It just was a part of my life. 
 I grew up thinking that every action that caused a problem, somehow I was to blame for it.

 One of my earliest memories was when I was about 5 years old and my dad was working in New Mexico and he sent for my mom and my sisters and I to move to New Mexico.
 We went by train and it was the first long trip that I remember. If you know me then you also know that my parents were alcoholics. It was hard because I didn't understand. 
 I have never resolved my feelings over alcoholism. Oh my brain knows but sometimes my heart still doesn't understand the things that families, not just mine have endured growing up where alcohol was a normal living environment. In fact if beer cans and wine bottles didn't litter the tables, the floors, over flowed from the garbage can then something wasn't right. 
 That is just the way that it was. It was normal for our house to look like a bar at closing time. 

 Anyway back to my story. We caught a train and headed west. For me it was a big adventure. My sister Linda was around 3 and Susie was just an infant. In fact I am not even sure that she was born yet. If she was then she was just a tiny thing.
 On this train we had long bench seats and there was a dining car. I don't recall all of the details but I was able to sit by the window and I became very dizzy as the trees whizzed by. My mother made me stay there because she was talking to some men and another woman. Before long the booze started flowing. 
 Now I am not kidding when I say that my mom could not hold her liquor. 2 beers and she was tipsy, 3 and she was well on her way to drunk. And that trip was a very long one. Especially for kids who couldn't do much but sit and look out of a window. 
 I don't know how long it took us to reach our destination but I asked my older sister once and she said it was about 2 or 3 days because of layovers and stops to let others on and off so that is about right.
 We had a sleeper car and at some point my mother put Linda and I in it. She put me on the top and my sister Linda and my mother had the bottom. The thing was Linda wouldn't stay in her bunk. She kept leaving and my mom was too busy having a drinking party with her new found friends. 
 Now tell me, what in the world was a 5 year old going to do with a toddler? I was responsible for her. It was my fault she cried. It was my fault that she wouldn't go to sleep and it was my fault that some drunken man decided to lay down with us and get us to sleep.
 My mother didn't seem to have a problem with that and if she knew what he had done and I am sure that she knew when she sobered up then she would have blamed herself and not a 5 year old. 
 I am not trying to bash my mother. She and I made our peace a long time ago but this is just me reliving these memories because that was the beginning of my becoming even more withdrawn and timid as a child. 
 My mother was a wonderful woman, especially when she stopped drinking. It was then that we hashed out a lot of our demons I guess. The resentment on my end, especially when I became a mother. 
 I swore my kids would not grow up in an alcoholic home environment. That is not to say that I didn't on occasion have a glass of wine or a cold beer on a hot day or a Margarita with dinner. I did. But....
 Our bills were paid, there was food to eat, my kids didn't have to wonder if I would be passed out in the front yard or have the police bringing your mom or dad home because they were to drunk to get home on their own. 

 That train ride that should have been a great trip was a nightmare and the older that I get the more I am remembering things and I have been trying to block them but they keep coming. These memories that I try to shut away. 
 Sometimes I wonder if they are even real. Am I just thinking that I remember these things? Or did they really happen like my mind keeps re-playing? 

 I tried to protect my sisters from the various men that were invited into our lives. Horrible sick and twisted men. I couldn't protect Linda when one man and his wife abused her. 
 Oh Lord, I remember when her memories came to haunt her. It was horrible for both of us but even tho I had my own horror stories hers was even more horrible. I have always felt in my heart that I was to blame for what had happened to her. I know that I wasn't but I cannot convince myself sometimes. 
 Don't you just hate the "What If's?"
 What If I hadn't been so afraid to open my mouth and tell somebody what I knew? 
 Truth was I was so afraid I would be blamed and whipped again for something that was my fault that I stayed silent. I kept to myself and I kept my mouth shut and I stayed as far away from people as I could. 

 I grew up that way. I went to school, I came home and I went to my room and I stayed there until I had to do chores and what ever I had to do then I went back to my room. 
 I did this until I was about 12 maybe 13. I started coming out of my shell around that time because my dad and brother were working on DFW Airport and life just took on a different phase. 
 I rebelled naturally but in a very quiet way. I didn't get caught up in drugs or sex or partying or things like that. I rebelled by doing other things that I knew my parents would not have approved of if they had known, like sneaking out but really the fun of sneaking out isn't all that bad when I could just walk out the front door stepping over which ever drunk parent happened to be in the floor. 
 I am not writing this to have anyone feel sorry for me. There are people who had it a hell of a lot worse than I did. No I am writing this just to get it out of my system because I found myself in the same damn spot today. 
 Not the drinking, but the feeling that somehow when something happens it is my fault and I know different but at the same time I some how feel that I am that 5 year old girl again on a train trying to take care of a little toddler and it is my fault that she and I was molested by some drunk man at the age of 3 and 5 and  I didn't know how to keep her safe or myself safe and somehow it was my fault.

 I remember when my ex husband and I were married I was going stir crazy in the house. It was a long and bitter cold winter but I had been cooped up with 2 kids and I needed to get out and grocery shop and several other things and I couldn't get my husband to watch the kids so I could go and I was tired of hearing him say he would go with me but never get up from the couch long enough to help me grocery shop and so I decided to take the kids and go myself.
 On the way out the door he said "You really don't need to go into town. Just go to the little store and we will grocery shop later." I remember I said "Your later never comes. I am tired of waiting on you."
 Well my car broke down with me pregnant and 2 small kids sitting on the side of the road. 
 He helped me blame myself. If I had listened to him he would have been with me and I wouldn't have been sitting on the side of the road with two kids and if I had just stayed home the car wouldn't have broken down on me and so on and so on.... so I felt guilty. It was my fault. All my fault...
 It took me a while to realize that it didn't matter if I had stayed home or decided to go grocery shopping, the car would have broke down anyway. It wasn't my fault. Things happen. That is a part of life. Life happens and sometimes it is cars that break down with a pregnant woman and 2 kids and a trunk loaded down with groceries.... 

 Lee Majors had a t.v. show called The Fall Guy and I used to watch it and say to myself that instead of being a Fall Guy, I was a Fault Girl. 
 I am not kidding. I had a very bad Fault Complex. I truly believed that a lot of my actions resulted in things being my fault. If I had done this and not done that... Well you know what I am saying.

 Anyway that brings me to today... Yesterday actually since it is almost 2 in the morning. 
 A few weeks ago the boys and I cleaned the house really good and Nathan put our microwave up on the top of the bar. I didn't want it up there because I am short. Nathan is 6 feet tall. Jonathan is not far behind him. I am 5 feet tall and my arms are short. 
 Anyway it is hard for me to reach it and cook anything, let alone clean it. So today I was cleaning the kitchen and I really needed to clean the inside of the microwave. 
 I asked Nathan to come and move it back to where it was so I could clean it and on top of the microwave I have a set of little bowls with lids on them. They are really cute. 
 Karyn was working and I was cleaning and I had my hands in the dish water and Karyn came thru on her way to the bathroom, Nathan was moving the microwave and I said... "Stop, get the bowls off of the top so they don't fall and break." 
 Nathan got pissed.... He looked at Karyn and said... "I am so sick of her doing this. She acts like I am incapable of moving a damn microwave. She is always doing this. Talking to me and Jonathan like we are children."
 I said "Hey just wait a minute. I didn't do anything but ask you to get the bowls off of the microwave."
 Well I am not going to go into word for word but a huge argument resulted in that one sentence I spoke and I was blamed for every damn thing from that moment going all the way back to when he was a baby.
 No matter what I said he twisted my words. 
 I think what really got it going was when I said "I just didn't want my bowls broken." To which he replied... and hatefully I might add... "My bowls you mean."
 I looked at him and tossed my dish towel back into the sink and said... "Your bowls? Funny I recall you giving me those bowls to me at Ridge Point our first Christmas I moved here."
 He said "No, John and Kate gave me those at our Christmas party and you took them."
 By this time Karyn is telling him to calm down because I am very upset and starting to get emotional. She is like "Mom let it go" and Nathan said... "It's her fault, she started this."
 I started or tried to start walking away but he said something else and I said something else and I was crying by this time and I said... "Did you or did you not bring me a box wrapped in Christmas paper and handed it to me and said I hope that you like this?"
 "I don't remember."
 "Well I do but I tell you what... When I walk out of this damn place I guarantee you one damn thing, those blankety blank ^***^^^%#%^& bowls will stay here. You couldn't pay me enough to take them with me when I go."

 "See your acting like a child over some stupid bowls."
 I never responded. I just came to my room and shut my door. He came to my room and barged right on in. I told him to get out and leave me alone. Oh he wanted to talk. Too bad. Go talk to somebody else. I made him leave and I locked my door. He just yelled thru the door but I didn't respond to him so he finally left.
 I only unlocked the door when Karyn knocked and asked to come in. She tried to talk to me but I was to upset and just told her to leave me alone for awhile. 

 This has been going on for months now. It seems that it is always my fault about something and I am not going back there. It isn't my fault that I asked him to be careful and take the damn bowls off the microwave so they wouldn't slide off. Sheeeesh… 

 I was raised.... for all my parents faults they did raise us kids with manners. I was raised to greet people when they come in the door. "Hello, how was your day?"
 What may I ask you is wrong with that? I taught my kids to greet people at the door as well but they have forgotten all of their manners. Except Karyn and Matthew.
 The boys say... "Don't ask about my day. We had a shitty day and you just want to remind us of it. Every time you ask us how your day is then we start thinking about it all over again. Then you want to know why we are in a bad mood. Your fault for bringing it up."
 So I don't ask them about their day. And Jonathan is the same way. He said "When you ask me about my day then I have to stop and explain to you why I had a bad day and you don't understand my job enough to completely get it so I have to take the time to break it down and relive it to explain it to you."
 I say.... If I ask how your day was all you have to do is say... It was long, it was fine, it was ok... I am not asking you for a half hour detailed description. Shit. I am just using my manners in greeting you. Damn it all. 

 It is like I am walking on egg shells around these two. I am so sad that they have started acting so hateful to me. And not just to me but to Karyn too. They are just plain rude and I did NOT raise them this way. 

 Karyn told Nathan... "You need to apologize to mom. She didn't raise you to speak to her like that." Then those two started scrapping. Karyn told him straight up that she would be helping me pack up some of my stuff this weekend when she got off work because it was obvious to her that he and Jonathan just continued to  disrespect me and she wasn't going to have it.
 She told me, Mom we will figure out the living arrangements at my place some how until my lease is up but you can't keep living like this.

 I am pretty much use to it by now. I just stay to myself when they are home or as much as I can. 
 They don't help me do a darn thing around here. I cook and clean and today I asked Nathan before he had a melt down over some bowls that will be left here for damn sure to unload the dishwasher so I could get some dishes done. It was after 4:00 this afternoon before he finally did it. Only because Jonathan came in and said "Mom asked you to unload the dishwasher yesterday" so he got up and unloaded it but I could have cared less if the damn dishes were done or not. As a matter of fact I never finished the dishes. They are still sitting in the sink. 

 Anyway I feel better since I have gotten this off my mind. I think that now I can go to sleep and rest. Gosh I hope so.... 
 I know that this is long winded and it is not a happy post but I really needed to get it all out. Thanks for listening to my rant... and it is over... Good night... BB

Friday, September 21, 2018

Cooling Down

Thanks for looking. I grabbed this scrap layout from my stash folder. I am not sure what kit I used for this but I believe that I used something from DT.


 We are getting a cool down. I was so excited to read about it last night. It is  our first cold front of the season and is supposed to push into Dallas area by Tuesday and it depends upon the low from the gulf but by Wednesday our temps should be in the 70's during the day and the high 60's at night and then we can get into the 60's in the day! 
Ohhh what a treat I am looking forward to being able to sit outside for a few days and watch the rain haha. 

 Jonathan and I went out for fish the other night after my eye appointment which was awesome. I didn't have to have an eye injection and I don't have to go back for 3 months. 
 I am tickled pink!
 Anyway back to the fish. It was really good and it was no shellfish in sight. Just a regular fish place that I can go to and not worry about coming into contact with shellfish. 
 After we came home we had a great evening together and called it an early night since they had dilated my eyes and it was hard to see he put some drops in my eyes and I went to bed. 
 It was hard for me to rest. Snatches of odd dreams and tossing and turning I didn't really sleep. It felt like I was just in a very light cat nap state which I dislike. It makes me tired and cranky the next day. Anyway I had a lot of calls to take care of yesterday and as soon as they were over I shut the ringer off on my phone.

 I had 4 spam calls back to back and I am going to take the spam blocker off of my phone because it is not catching them like it should and try a different one. I don't know what to do about them. They are driving me crazy. If they are an area code I don't recognize I don't  answer and let it go to voicemail. If it is a scam call they will not leave a message and I can go in and manually block that number.
 If it is a call from my area code I will accept it because a lot of my doctors nurses call and they have different numbers that they call from. I have been trying to reach my kidney doctor and I had a call from a number I didn't recognize that was an 1-800 number. I almost deleted and blocked but something told me to answer and it was the appointment scheduler trying to contact me about my upcoming appointment. 
 It use to be that when your doctor called it would show up who was calling but in the past year I have noticed that most of the specialists that I use have different numbers. 
 Then there is good old voicemail that when someone needs to reach me they talk so fast that I have to replay the message several times to make sure I get the numbers right to return the calls. 
 It all just drives me nuts so I decided that I am not dealing with my pesky phone unless I want to. Ugh.

 My little Foxy has been guarding the house. She usually isn't a barker but if she hears that door open and it is a possibility of new blood to sniff and cuddle with she is all on it. 
 Karyn said the other day when she climbed up with Nathan and he scooted down so she could have his pillow that she could tell Who Ran Our House!!! Of course she does. It was just so funny to see Nathan give up his pillow for her.
 Right now she is cuddled up with somebody I am sure. 

 Time for my morning meds and some breakfast so I will close for now. Have an awesome day. BB


Tuesday, September 18, 2018

A Rough Week

Rustic Summer made by my friend Rosie from our group on Flickr. Thanks for looking.

 A lot has happened in the past week since I was here. Too much to go into and most of it family stuff.

 I have been busy filling out forms for my health insurance, housing and a few other things that I had to take care of. It is like non stop station around here. But I am hoping that after today it calms down.

 Matt and Nathan had a huge argument and brought it in to my room. I kicked them both out. I told them they can't live in the past. They have to forge a future. 
 All that screaming and yelling made me nervous. They have fought since I brought Nathan home from the hospital. Matt took one look at him in his car seat and kicked it and said I don't like it, take it back. 
 They have been at each other ever since. Crazy stupid boy stuff. You got me in trouble for this and you ratted me out on that... Good Grief.
 I told them both they were beating a dead horse and to get over it already. Sheesh.

 I know that this is going to be short tonight but I am really drained and have a cold. I have been running a low grade fever 2 days now. Coughing, sneezing and achy. 

 Maybe tomorrow I will feel more like chatting and blogging but right now I just want to crawl into bed and get warm.... Take care of yourself... BB

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Happy Birthday Alex!

Happy Birthday Alex.... Quick Page  kit used Magic freebie from my group.


 It is rather early here. 3:30 in the morning. I didn't plan on being up this late but I needed to make my grandson a birthday card/page and I couldn't seem to find the photo I wanted. I couldn't decide on how to make it. Sigh... before I knew it here I was in the wee hours of the morning.

 After a lot of fits and starts I think that I have a pretty good scrap page. I need to update my photos of Alex. Most of them are just group pictures with his brothers and sisters so I tried to find pictures of just him. I really do have to update his photos. 
 Funny how I have school pictures of him but I can't find them! I will run across them after I post this page! Isn't that the way it always happens? Lol.

 I wish I could say that I accomplished some things yesterday but I can't. On Wednesday I had a doctors appointment with my Rheumatologist. I have been having some soreness and knots in my fingers and hands.  Since it was my routine check up I waited to discuss it with my doctor. 
 It is official. I am now welcomed into the world of arthritis.  My left hand particularly. The swelling has gone down but the knot on my knuckle is still there and still sore but it is better. 

 We have a Tropical disturbance in the Gulf. My daughter was so upset when I told her and she said "Oh Mom, they will probably send me back down to the coast again like last year.."
 She was miserable last year and I am sure that she is pretty miserable knowing that she might have to go again. They will need supervisors down there so I am sure she will be sent along with others.

 I won't blog tomorrow and may not blog until Monday. I am going for neck injections today. (Friday) so I am not supposed to be at the computer for 2 days. I really hope that this helps. I hurt a lot with this disc in my neck. It affects my shoulders and arms too.

 I have been trying to think of what I can get for Christmas presents. The boys said they don't want anything. So ok... I will not get them anything else. I have the regular stuff already put away, socks, underwear, cologne etc but that is it for them. Scrooges... But...
 Karyn loves Christmas so I was on Amazon today looking for a movie that I have been wanting to see. Who remembers Billy Jack with Tom Laughlin? Ohhh be still my heart...
 Anyway I came across Little Women. Karyn to this day still has her books and I am getting her a dvd player and some movies. She loves time pieces so I think that I will also get her Rome. She's been wanting to see it again along with Pearl and The Titanic. 
 I have a few other little goodies for her as well. Nothing big because we want to fix up our apartment. 
 I wish she could live with me in housing if I get accepted. But she can't. It is against the rules. 

 Well my eyes are getting heavy and I am going to close so I can try and sleep. It will be time for me to get up soon and I have to call and make an appointment with my cardiologist tomorrow so I can see about getting off of a medication if these injections do not work. I just hope that they do and are not painful.

 Take care to all.... BB

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Such Love

Such Love, My little grandson Dante.... Another kit from my group on DT before they closed by a friend Anita. I really miss her kits. She is ill right now. I hope your better by now Anita.

 It is Tuesday morning. Almost 2:00 a.m. and I cannot sleep so I did this scrap page of my little grandson Dante. He looks so much like his mama in this photo. He has her facial expressions and her curls. Funny but she grew up without curls. They found her when she was pregnant with Adrian. 
 I reached out to her again today. This time the message was Laurie please reach out to me. I need you....
 I don't want anything but to hear her voice. My heart breaks each day without hearing her voice or seeing a few pictures of her and the kids. I don't understand how or why she just cut me and her brothers and sister out of her life. 
 She knows how important she is to me and how much I love her and the kids. This just rips my heart in two.
 But she knows how much it is hurting me and I guess that is the point to not speaking to me.

 I don't usually post private family matters here but since no one reads my blog other than Miss Edna I guess it doesn't matter if I put any private matters on here or not.

 I try to stay upbeat and positive but it has all just taken a toll on me. It has all been getting harder and harder on me for the last year. I try very hard not to let things get me down, but sometimes it just hits me and the harder I fight the feelings and emotions, the harder they hit me. So today I just let them flow over me. I didn't fight the tears. I didn't fight the hurt, I didn't fight the dark.

 It isn't just Laurie. It is a lot of things all rolled into one. My son Matthew is in a very dark place. I can't even help him. I try, his brothers and sister has tried and now he has to try. He is the only one that can turn this all around. But he has to want it more than we do.
 What can we say? What can we do? We have done all that we can to help him. Now it is up to him. 

 The day was cool. It was such a relief after all of these hot triple degree days. I have all kinds of mosquito repellant out but they are not helping these monsters. Not the plants or the candles or even the sprays, and I have this spider out there that gives me the creeps. I keep trying to find it but obviously he has hidden his or her home very well. I think that he/she is either hidden in the Ivy or Christmas Cactus. 

 We have more than one case of West Nile here in our county and a couple of cases of the Zika virus. The Zika virus is not here that I have heard, not in our county but in our state. 
 I really wanted to sit outside tonight but they were too bad so I just came back inside. 

 I am hoping to hear back from Housing this week. Karyn and I were going over my housing information and she discovered that they do not have me down for being disabled. So we sent another email and I hope to hear back from them and she also sent an email with the name and date of the last person she spoke with. 

 Karyn and I don't mind sharing an apartment and that is our plan but if I could get into housing that would be a lot better for both of us. There is also a lottery the middle of September that I would really love to win but I am not going to count my chickens or my eggs because I never win those things. It isn't money but housing. I would be very fortunate but I don't expect to win out over others. I never have so why should that change now? I can't even win at playing Bingo. 

 Today was kinda blah.... I needed to do some cleaning but I didn't. I needed to do a lot of things that I didn't do. I just don't have the energy to try and do anything really. 
 I did get the garbage out for tonight. A lot more can go out Wednesday. I may try and clean out the fridge tomorrow and get it ready for Wednesday. I usually do that on Wednesday morning so we will see. It needs to be done. I didn't do it last week and this week it is really showing. 

 I have phone calls to make tomorrow. One is very important that I should have made today and I completely forgot about it. I even had a reminder on my computer but I just turned it on tonight when Karyn and I were going over my application for housing tonight. It was for a doctors appointment tomorrow and now I am going to have to reschedule it.
 But I cannot miss the one for Wednesday. That one is very important. I may have waited to long to contact ride transportation tho. They have changed the rules. I use to be able to schedule a month in advance. I can no longer do that. 4 days is the earliest so now I seem to forget and that is not good. Jonathan is at a point at work that he cannot just take off and take me when I need to go. I am going to have to start being on top of things more now. I am getting tired of my own forgetfulness. 

 I am finally getting sleepy so I will close for now. Sorry this post has such a sad feeling to it, but I am sad so I will let it stand for now... Take care and have a great Tuesday.... BB 

Friday, September 7, 2018

It's The Weekend!

My little granddaughter Cathy. I used a kit that my friend Rosie in our group made for me. It is called "Beth" Thank you for looking.

 I am sorry that I didn't post on my blog yesterday. I was just drained. I have been out and busy today and I am tired but I wanted to stop in before I went to bed.

 This is my little granddaughter Cathy when she was in first grade. She was a puppy. I am not sure what they used for her puppy nose but I think that she was adorable. I love you Cathy and miss you and the boys with all my heart. 

I was going to show you some pictures of this apartment that I have found online that is probably just perfect for Karyn and I but they need to be cropped first. I don't want to put the personal information on my blog and I didn't realize it had as much personal information on it as it does.
 Well darn, but that will give me something to do tomorrow and I can share it next time.

 Karyn got her team back yesterday. Today was her first day back to Supervising. She was happy because her team works and they know what they are doing. 
 She and several of her co-workers went out to dinner tonight. They had their heart set for this one place but it was really crowded and they ordered drinks and an hour later they had not been waited on or received their drinks. She flagged someone down and was told the Margarita machine was down.
 Since no one had taken their order they just left. Karyn was so heartbroken. This is her favorite place ever and she text me and told me what was going on. I knew she had to be upset to text me while she was out with friends lol.

 Jonathan, Nathan and I had hamburgers for dinner. I had Chinese in the fridge along with a casserole I had made but no one wanted it again tonight so Jonathan said how about some hamburgers and they sounded so good so he and Nathan went and got them. It has been a while since I have had a burger and I had a small fry and still split them with Jonathan. I am funny about French fries. I only like them from certain places. 

 I am still waiting for a cool down. It is supposed to be cooler next week around Wednesday. They said on the news we will cool down into the upper 80's so I will take that and be happy.
 We may still get some rain too. I haven't actually kept up with it tho. The weather also reported that this cold front might stall and if it does then it might not reach us until later in the week. 
 I know that my family in North and Northeast Texas will be happy. Give their air conditioners a break at night anyway. We can't open our windows here at night and sometimes not even in the day since I don't feel safe living on the first floor. 

 I was so sad to hear that Burt Reynold's died yesterday. I always enjoyed his movies. He did a movie with Dolly Parton and I had read in an interview years ago or maybe it was in a book, I am not sure but I remember she said that he was very difficult to work with. I have heard that about a lot of movie stars. 
 I had heard that Elizabeth Taylor was so hard to work with that directors stopped offering her work. 

 My friend Patsy and I were having a conversation about girls the other day. Her son and my son Matthew sure know how to pick winners (Not) when it comes to girls.  They both seem to have the worse luck.
 Anyway we were saying that no matter how beautiful you are on the outside, it is what is on the inside that counts. 
 So many women today and I am sure it isn't just today, in my time as well, but some of the things that these girls do today is just awful. They treat their husbands and boyfriends terrible.

 I remember one girl which I won't name said to me one day after complaining about how bad her husband was treating her that she should have stayed with Matthew. I told her that she had her chance and blew it. She knew it was true.
 I had told her before they broke up that she had to experience a bad man before appreciating a good man. They are not together anymore. She finally left him and married someone else. I don't know much about him and don't really want to.

 Matt's car is down. It is something to do with the radiator. It is leaking all of the coolant out. 
 Karyn went online and wow... these new cars are so expensive to work on. Of course his warranty ran out a few months ago. That car is never going to be right again. He and several others hit a log in the middle of the interstate doing 70 miles an hour and it did a lot of damage. We were hoping that they would have just totaled it but the insurance decided to fix it and he had a huge battle on his hands getting it fixed. He missed a couple of payments due to the fact that it was in the shop for over a month and it really messed his credit up. Just a couple of missed payments was all it took. 
 So I told him he should call the company and do a voluntary repossession. It will not hurt his credit anymore if he would do that and then get into something else that would be a little cheaper on him. I cannot imagine having to pay with insurance a $780.00 car payment every month. That is a house payment... no it is more than a house payment. Shoot just get a dependable good used car. 

 Oh my, I just got a weather advisory. We have a bad storm heading our way and heavy winds and rain and possible flooding with sky to ground lightening so I best get off of the computer and shut it down. I really don't use my computer or phone with lightening. Ohhh a big bang of thunder just rumbled thru so I will say good night... Take care and I will be back tomorrow... BB

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Playtime Before Bedtime

My Matthew and the gentleman that I cared for while Matt was away at Truck Driving school.

 Almost bedtime but I wanted to post this page that I did of Matthew and Ken that he sent to me a few days ago. They were having a good day and were taking selfies outside on the porch. Gosh I miss that porch. 

 Matthew and Ken both came to visit me today. I had a huge grin when they walked in the door. Especially to see Ken. It has been a couple of weeks since I have been over to see him. I need to go more often.
 I told him today that I was worried about him. His shirt was soaking wet. I said Matthew why is he sweating like this?  Matt says he sweats like that when he is in pain.
 I got him a pillow for his back and a glass of water. He has a fracture in one of his discs in his back we think. They did a MRI last night so he will get the results soon and I asked if he had brought his pain meds and of course he didn't so after awhile I could tell he was hurting really bad and my chairs are not that comfortable so I told Matt to take him home and get him settled and give him his pain meds.
 It breaks my heart to see him like this. We are so glad that Matthew is there with him as there is no way I can hold him up if he should fall. Matthew is able to get him in his shower chair and out so he doesn't fall. I can't do that. We would both fall.
 But he said that he misses me. Aww I miss him too. I miss Matthew too. We talk on the phone every day but not the same. I should go and spend the night or a few days with them.
 I just get into my routine here at home and I am a homebody. Funny how I couldn't wait to Go, Go, Go when I was younger. Now it is … You mean I have to get dressed? Whine.... sigh... lol.

 Another hot day.  The rain was really nice but it left everything steamy and humid. I was reading the weather on my phone last night and I can't remember all of the statistics but I do remember that August was the hottest summer we have had since they started keeping records back in something like 1899!!!! lol... That date is not correct but still impressive.
 Also we had 16 consecutive days of triple digit heat and then it fell to 99 degrees for 0ne day and then we had another 15 days of consecutive days of triple degree heat. I don't know what today topped out at but when I opened the door for Matt and Ken, the heat hit me like a furnace. 

 I only seen Karyn for a few minutes this morning before she went to work. She had to pick up her computer and laptop. Poor kid was running to my bathroom to throw up. It is her hormones raging. I checked on her through out the day but she never answered my text messages.
 I knew she wanted to call in but she had a very huge meeting today and had to be there. Hopefully she either got to feeling better or her boss let her go home after the meeting was over. 
I probably will not see her tomorrow because she didn't bring her equipment over here so that tells me she will be in the office again tomorrow. 

 Nathan goes back in to work in the morning. He will be pulling a double so I will be home alone tomorrow with Miss Foxy. My girl and I have plans to cuddle haha. 

 I didn't rest well last night. I tossed and turned but I got up early and stayed up until after Matthew and Ken left and then I told Nathan that I just had to lay down. I slept hard for a couple of hours. But my eyes are getting heavy so it will not be long before I will be going back to bed.

 I have gotten into the habit of shutting the ringer off on my phone. I have told everyone to just leave me a voice message. I am having to block all sorts of calls and it is frustrating. I am on the No Call register but it isn't helping and I am not kidding when I say I have 30 or 40 more calls a day. So now I just go in and block the number. Still they just pass my number on to someone else and it starts all over again. 
 I know why I am getting them. I signed up for Publisher's Clearing House and I did a survey for them. Well that opened the flood gate. I should have known better but I did it anyway and now I am paying for it with all of these calls.

 I really don't like shutting my ringer off because of emergencies. No one can get in touch with me if my ringer is off so I am always uneasy about shutting it off, especially at night, but it has been really nice not having to deal with it ringing every time I turn around. 
 The downside is that I miss calls from friends I would like to talk to. Today tho, I was so tired I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to sleep and it felt really nice to just close my eyes and rest. So I made the decision to just turn the ringer off. I need to turn it back on now so I don't forget to do it. 

 Ohhhh I cannot go without sharing this video I found today. I actually got it from the news but it didn't open well so I searched it on YouTube... 
 You Just Gotta Love This One...

 You know, this video is not in English, but sometimes, the language of communication is really universal.... Her name is Felia.. She is awesome. 
 Reading the story earlier, a woman was bitten by a lion at this same safari park by another lion a few weeks ago.
 It was rare that it happened as these lions are use to people and also the woman was not interesting in interacting with the lions. It makes me think she should not have taken an open tour when she really didn't care for the animals to begin with. 
 Animals sense hostility. They are unpredictable. You don't know their mind set and they don't know yours.
 Also did you know that Female lions are really the fieriest of the species especially when they have cubs. The males of course are very strong and they are not as friendly in their Prides. 
 Still I would have loved to have been able to do this. I would probably still be there with them tho.

 Someone asked me what my dream job would have been if I could have chosen anything and this type of work would have been it. To work with these animals and protect and care for them. But I didn't get to choose so I live vicariously thru others. 
 I hope that you enjoy this little video.... Good Night... take care of yourself and have a wonderful Thursday... BB

Monday, September 3, 2018

A Little Of This A Little Of That

Under The Sea.... Bellisima Designs


 I changed my blog to something brighter. I hope that this is more pleasing to the eye.

 I am having trouble testing these links but they are valid. Perhaps if your interested in the kit try to manually type it in. I am sorry but I cannot figure out how to get them to open. I know that they are valid but for some reason the test link says invalid link and cannot be open, but I know that they are fine.

 Today was a special day on Facebook. I opened my memories to look back on and found that on September 3rd 2016 I won Featured Page and the Friday Fantasy Challenge on Daisy Trail for a page that I did.
 I was so surprised to have won for 2 different challenges. In the seven (7) years that I was there I had only won 3 times and never had won the challenge. So I was really floored and it made my day. I miss Daisy Trail. It closed last year for good and all of our members scattered. Most of us landed over at Flickr where we have our own group now.  Anyway, here is the page that I won for both challenges and it is not even one of my favorites but still today it made me smile remembering.

The poem was what we had to work with.

 Yesterday was pretty awesome. I spent most of it with my daughter Karyn. We went to the store and then over to her house. 
 We went to the pool as we were going to grill out but it was so hot. The heat was engulfing. It was so hot that it took our breath away. So we went over to her house and hung out. It was nice.
 She made baked beans, potato salad and chili dogs lol. She also baked a peach pie (our favorite) and vanilla ice cream to top it off.
 I didn't eat all of mine. I ate half and put it up for later on today and I only ate a portion of the pie, not the ice cream. I had the rest of the slice of pie today and tomorrow I will have my scoop of ice cream. I stretched dessert out over 3 days that way. haha.
 Also tomorrow I will also have my other chili dog tomorrow. I had her bring me home yesterday before dinner was ready. I was really tired. The day just got to me. It is so good for me to get out. 

 Last night I found some cream, like Ben Gay for example and I had Nathan put some on my neck and I slept all night! It really did help so much, and we have been getting rain all day and most of this evening. We really have needed it and we need more.
 I hear that we have a hurricane in the gulf. His name is Gordon. I hear he could play havoc on Louisiana and Mississippi and could bring us more rain. I don't think that Gordon is going to be very destructive so I am glad for that for those folks who are just now recovering from one from last year. 
 It is still to early to hear what will happen to the one in the Eastern Atlantic. Maybe he or she will turn and not cause problems. I hope that it will bring Good rain and nothing destructive there too.

Tomorrow Karyn and Jonathan go back to work after a long Labor Day weekend. Nathan is off Tuesday and Wednesday and we have plans to watch a movie together. So far that is all that we have planned. Karyn and Jonathan will both be in the office this week. 

 Oh I have a cute picture of my son Matthew and Miss Foxy. This was Foxy and I on the sofa yesterday. She is such a cuddle bug. But this photo is of her and Matthew....

My girl and my guy!

 It looks like love to me! He adores her as I do as well. I found a lot of Cisco too that brought back so many memories. I miss him so much. He was such a huge part of my life and I don't think that I will ever stop missing him and I know that he is still with me. I feel him a lot, especially at night when I am ready to sleep. He is so close to me. I rest better knowing that he is not really gone. I know it sounds strange but I really do feel him and I see him. But mostly I feel his little body next to mine and his little snuggles the way he would curl up around me. 
 I have a canvas print Miss Edna sent to me of Cisco and I have it on my wall so I see it first thing in the morning when I awake. It will always hang upon my wall no matter where I will be living.

 I guess that Karyn and I will be room-mates the beginning of the year. We are still looking at places. Karyn has always chosen places to live in regards to other people. This time it will be something that will be what Karyn will like too. Not have to decide upon what is best for others. 
 I know that she has specific ideas of what she wants and I am so excited for her. She is ready for something a little more feminine. Like she wants her bathroom done in a ocean theme. 
 So we are not going to keep a whole lot. We want to start over. Karyn is a minimalist. She likes streamlined counters and tables. So do I. She likes to not have a lot of clutter and so do I. So we agree on most of the big things.

 Also it looks like Foxy will be living with us. YES!!!!! and also we agree to my having a fur baby too. We did decide to wait until we find our own place before I get a pet. Right now I have Foxy at my beck and call or should I say her beck and call haha.
 Well it is my bedtime. Past actually so I am going to say goodnight and I hope the rest of the week is great for everyone. Take care of yourself... BB

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Hello Sunday

Our First Year In Florida with Miss Edna....

Good Morning,
 I was going thru my photos today and came across this one in a folder that I named Special Moments...
 This is Miss Edna extremely frustrated as she is having problems accessing her email... This is a very good memory. Thank Goodness for Audrey!!!! She knew what to do.. (I think) or perhaps you got it fixed but if I am not mistaken you set up a new email lol... Anyway I wasn't thinking any of those things when I came across this photo. I was thinking... Wow look how long your hair was! I really loved your hair but I am sure that it is much easier to care for shorter.

 We have plans to hit the swimming hole today and maybe grill some burgers or something down at the pool. I am stuck between a Yes and a We Will See... I am super tired. I don't know what happened day before last but I was so sick. I think that it was something that I ate because right after I started getting sharp stomach pains and I think that the salad that I had eaten is what did it. We have had so many recalls on lettuce and some vegetables but I did wash everything. I also had some boiled eggs that I put on top of my Chef salad so that could have been the culprit or maybe something else but I didn't sleep any the night before, or most of yesterday. I started feeling alright about 5:00 yesterday evening and wouldn't you know it I didn't sleep a wink. I just got up so I caught up on some emails and read several great articles in an email that I get daily called "This Day In History" and I also watched a fantastic episode of David Letterman. It was a couple of years old but very interesting. Plus I caught up with a good friend of mine so the night was not so bad. 
 The trick is to stay up today so I will probably go down to the pool with Karyn and Matt said he would come and go with us too. But I also made plans to watch a movie with Nathan. He bought the movie Magical Beasts and Where To Find Them. He has to go in to work today at 4:00 so I am not sure I can do both. If I sit down to a movie I am liable to fall asleep! Maybe we can watch it on Tuesday when he has his days off. I would probably enjoy it a lot more.

 I will have to work on this later... It seems we are getting this get together on earlier than I expected. Kids on their way to pick up Mama.... Talk to you all later... Have an awesome day... BB

 Matthew just text me and we had an emoji war with hearts and stars and you name it.... He thinks my fingers are not as fast as his haha. He said Holy Guacamole Batman... I am not a batman I am Wonder Woman haha. Lack of sleep is making me silly, but I have to stay up today because I really do plan to go to bed and sleep tonight. 



Memorial Day 2023

  My brother James when he had Lung surgery.    Hello,   This man in the pics above is my brother James. One before going into surgery and t...