Sunday, May 31, 2020
I Don't Recognize Our Country Anymore
It is Sunday Morning and I am at a loss for words.
What has happened to our country when the color of a persons skin can be so devalued as a human being?
I understand standing up for our fellow man and woman. I understand the peaceful demonstrations.
What I see now is not for George Floyd, Breonna Taylor or the man shot and killed by the son and father in Georgia and so many more.
It is just violence that has been brewing for a long time and it never ends well. It has overflowed and has now I am not sure that it is even about George Floyd and the innocent men and women that have had their lives cut so short.
Police brutality is really just a cowardice act that the men in blue seem to think that it is just fine to kneel on a mans neck until he died.
It is ok to get the wrong address and start shooting. They think that it is alright for a Florida man to kill a teen and get off! Where was the justice for that poor boy and so many others that have died?
Forgive me for being emotional but I cannot help it. This is a short story of what happened to my son last night.
Nathan gets off work on weekends usually at 10:00pm but sometimes it is later. He got off a little early last night and got home around 10:45 or so and he walked over to the convenience store across the street to get a two liter coke. As he was walking back a cop passed him and turned around and slowly got behind him and continued to follow him.
Nathan said that he wasn't Jaywalking as he was in the cross walk.
It was just that they were looking for some reason to stop him. They even pulled into our parking lot and sat there for at least 10 minutes until they backed up and left.
Is it a crime to walk to the store for a drink?
I was married to a Police Officer. He did not ever abuse his power and he was respected for the man that he was and still is. He is no longer on the police force but I remember him talking to me and how he would handle a call. So many times he would just let people go with a warning or sometimes nothing at all. I know that many people would call him for help even if he wasn't on duty.
I don't drive anymore but every time we go anywhere (or use to, as I am still home) and a cop got behind us I would get this fear in my stomach for fear that they would pull us over and something would go wrong.
It is just a scary thought and a scary feeling. I use to trust police officers but now I just have a deep suspicion and fear and I just do not understand a world where we have to be afraid not just for ourselves but for our spouses, children, parents, friends and even neighbors.
Ok enough of my rant for now. I will talk to all soon. My grandson wants some num nums... His way of saying Feed me Now lol.
Have a great day and let us all pray for a resolution for everyone to come together.... BB
Thursday, May 28, 2020
It is a little after 6:00 in the morning and I have been up since around 3:00 or 3:30.
I went to sleep yesterday evening right after dinner. I slept deeply and only awoke to go to the bathroom and then back to bed. I did awake to Laurie and to Cathy checking on me but was able to roll right back to sleep.
My doctors have urged me to sleep when I can. I am still not feeling my best and they tell me that my body needs the sleep.
Of course I didn't rest much while in the hospital. Laurie said because of all the background noise but that wasn't all of it. I don't think that anyone rests when they are not at home in their own surroundings with our own background noises. I have to say that I really am glad to be home but I might have rushed it along more than I should have done.
My friend Kay, I call her my adopted sister, she lost her brother Monday. I planted some wildflowers for him and lit a candle. I spent a great deal of time thinking of my own brother and I miss him so much.
I know that this is going to be hard for Kay. She sent me some texts recalling some wonderful memories and I wish that I felt like going to Tennessee to be with her. Of course she would not want me to travel right now but I told her I am with her in heart and spirit.
I wish I could think of something that would help her right now but I know that this is something that she is going to need from her family. The support and and love. She knows she has mine.
I am drinking my second cup of coffee this morning and after it is done I think that I will try and go back to sleep.
Laurie bought me some of my favorite, Southern Pecan and I have to admit that I am really enjoying it.
My granddaughter Cathy and I have tea every afternoon. She told me the other day that she enjoys this time with me and it makes my heart smile.
I want to make as many good memories with these kiddos that I can.
They are a wonderful little family and I enjoy being able to be a part of their lives. I know that these moments are fleeting because they are going to be moving back to California I think in a few weeks.
They have been looking at houses here but I told them the other day that if David cannot get the medical care he needs here then they should think of moving to where he can.
When he was in Afghanistan a IED blew up and the man has shrapnel imbedded in different parts of his body. I talked him into going to my pain management team and I am seriously shocked that all they want to do is more surgery.
The first few months that he was here they put him thru 16 different surgeries that have done nothing but make the pain worse. They cannot remove the shrapnel. It's located in parts of his back and close to his spine and he has discs that are collapsing and disintegrating.
I have seen him in so much pain that I just want to cry because I feel so helpless when he falls and cannot get up. Or the pain just riddles his body in spasms.
I really hate Texas Health Care that does not take care of our Veterans.
The Opioid addiction is just bullshit when it comes to people that need them. The Republicans have written these laws that make it impossible to receive pain medication in Texas. Basically you have to have Cancer in order to get any kind of treatment and even that has become limited.
No one wants to be stoned out of our mind. We just want to be able to control the hard pain and make it thru the day without being in so much pain that makes movement so hard that you cannot live a decent day.
He had a fairly good day on Tuesday but paid for it the next day. I could see the pain etched into his face at every little movement. Laurie helped him with a shower and alternated heating pads and ice packs. I told him to call his doctor and he did but the doctor never called him back.
Jonathan is getting ready to go to work and I need for him to go to the store for me so I will close for now and get on with my day. You all have a Blessed day and take care of yourself... All my love to you all. Hugs, BB
Tuesday, May 26, 2020
Or is it Wednesday? Stormy couldn't care less either way it seems!
Hi, I hope that everyone is doing well. I am still not up to myself just yet.
I am drained and my doctor(s) say that I am still battling an illness and to expect to feel this way for possibly another month or even longer.
I slept until 11:00 today. David made me a breakfast plate and I tried to eat. I really did but I only took a few bites because I have no appetite.
He made some scrambled eggs, biscuits, home fries and water melon. I didn't even eat but just a little of my watermelon and that is one of my favorite fruits but everything is tasteless.
I hope that everyone is doing well. It is always a good thing to see people out as long as they are social distancing and taking precautions.
Here in Texas the defiance is so misunderstood by me. Do these people intentionally want to catch this virus and possibly bring it home to their mother and father's, to their children?
I think that I may scream if I hear another person say that their rights under the constitution is being trampled on.
Well while they want to go their merry way I do not want to come in contact with them and get sick with that virus. I don't want to be a statistic.
These same people would be moaning and groaning if no preventive measures were not in place. I guess nothing makes some people happy.
I haven't been anywhere since I got out of the hospital. I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon either. I don't have the strength to do much. I did my laundry on Monday because I am picky about how I do my things and that wore me out. But I completed it. I think that it was actually Sunday. All the days of the week is running together.
I will close for now. I need to lay down again so until later take care and take care of your loved ones. BB
Friday, May 22, 2020
I Am Home And Doing A Update!
This will be short as I am not feeling very well. I have a tele-visit today and my daughter is cleaning my room and it's been a mess for a while now but I have had a blood issue and so we have to sterilize my bedroom because of it. I had replaced my sensor to check my blood sugar and I am thinking I must have hit a capillary because there was a lot of blood so I am having to wash my bedding. Actually Laurie is cleaning. She will not let me lift a finger!
My kidney is back to functioning normally. I am on heavy antibiotics right now. Preventative measures. I will try to work more on my blog later. Right now I am just very weak and tired.
Take care and I will talk to you all later... BB
It is almost midnight and I had to take my meds and I took a promethazine before hand but I still couldn't keep it down. Now I am awake and I just cannot rest. Not real rest. I keep trying tho but I decided that I would just work on my blog since I left it very short this morning.
Jonathan has been ordering food from a place called POTBELLY sandwich shop because he is usually working thru lunch and today he asked if I was hungry.
No I wasn't but I knew that I had to eat something and he ordered me a soup that sounded intriguing called Chicken Pot Pie. I told him to just get me a small because I really don't have much of an appetite but ohhh that soup was very delicious. I couldn't eat it all but I was able to eat half of it. I would have liked to have saved it for later on but there wasn't that much left to save and it would probably have broken apart so I gave Dante the last of it. That little boy is not one to eat. He has always been a minimal eater and I was glad to share what was left of it with him.
He came to me and said Na-Na that was the best soup ever. Can I please have more?... Awww he had the saddest look on his little face when I said "Baby that was all of it." But I promised him that I would buy him a bowl the next time Uncle Jon orders from there.
I have food here but I haven't really felt like eating anything. It all sounds to heavy. Laurie has made me food but I just shake my head and she then lectures me about not being able to gain back my strength if I don't eat.
David made the best biscuits and I did try to eat one for breakfast but I only ate a few bites of it.
It seems like I had so many other things to mention but my mind has basically just gone blank. I need to sit down and email a few friends and I am also needing to catch up on my blog reading.
I am going to try and get some rest. Stay safe and if you are planning a Memorial Day weekend please remember to to be safe and please watch where you are stepping.
Snakes are coming out and they are coming straight up into peoples yards. In Dallas a few days ago a 2 year old toddler was with his mom in their back yard and he was bitten by a rattle snake. It worries me that could happen to us since we don't live far from a creek and that since a lot of people have been home they are venturing farther out from their habitat. The news mentioned that State Parks have really seen a lot of them from Game Warden reports.
Okay so I will close for now... Stay safe and have a very enjoyable weekend... BB
Wednesday, May 20, 2020
Guess Where I AM????
I am the guest of St. David's North Austin Medical Center. I have Sepsis. It looks like I will be here a few more days. I also have a bad UTI and kidney infection and I don't know how many antibiotics they have me on.
I woke up at 3 this morning wanting coffee and I have the sweetest nurses and Techs. They brought me a cup and it's the only thing I have wanted since coming in Saturday night.
They have an amazing room service menu. I have not wanted any food. I have had severe nausea and haven't kept anything down. The nurses have ordered me citrus popsicles, sugar free gelatins, juices and other liquids but i haven't had but enough to have my insulin. I did keep a couple of saltine crackers down and that was the turning point I think. I just want to go home but I have adamant orders from my kids to stay here for as long as they will have me.
Matthew called me yesterday and said his job gave him 2 days off to visit me. I hated to be the one to tell him but we cannot have visitors. Everyone is masked up wearing PPE's and minimal touching. They tested me for the Coronavirus. It was awful. The way that they have to insert it is not pleasant at all. I finally found something that I can Agree With Trump on.... UNPLEASANT....
My sister told me to have my doctors do a blood test from now on. I was negative and glad because I don't think I would repeat it given free will. A flu swab is uncomfortable. This goes further than uncomfortable.
I hate for this to be so short but it's hard typing with all of these Iv's in my hands and arms. Hopefully I will know how much longer I will be here today. I want to reschedule my tele visit with my kidney specialist. He is communicating with my specialists here from what I am told.
Ok I will talk to you later. Hugs to all. Steve I hope you get some really nice Thunderstorms.... Miss Edna love you too. BB
Saturday, May 16, 2020
I hope that all are doing well today. I guess that I am doing ok. I'm having some pain in my left side and am a bit worried that my left and only kidney is trying to give me some problems.
It is worrisome when I only have this kidney to work with. My doctor called me yesterday to tell me that my potassium is very high.
The last time it got really high I was in Florida with Miss Edna. They really wanted me to go to the hospital for a treatment but I didn't go.
If I knew then what I know now I would have gone. It is really serious especially with only one kidney.
My doctor told me that they had called me in a medication and Karyn went to pick it up for me. Apparently we only have one pharmacy in all of Austin that has this medication I needed.
I took it as soon as she walked in the door and it knocked me out and I slept deeply.
I have to have a lab test on Monday to see if it has helped drop my potassium any. I cannot eat certain foods right now that might be high potassium like bananas, tomatoes, oranges etc.
Now I have another big problem. I can't pee. I have drank 6 bottles of water since I got up this morning and I cannot pee. I am going to have to call my doctor office at 4:00 pm when they open for extended hours and see what they want me to do.
I am almost positive that I have a kidney infection because of the pain in my left kidney and because of the fact I am drinking but can't pee.
I have not spoken of this very often but my family and myself know that I am headed for dialysis. My pain management doctor and I discussed it the other day. I have one of those telemedicine appointments scheduled for Monday with my Nephrologist and my pain medicine doctor told me that my kidney function has gone down.
I apologize for my blog post turning into a doctor's visit for you guys. It is just that this is serious and I am scared because there isn't much that I can do about it.
If nothing else my wish for you is to please take care of the kidneys that you have. Be kind to them. Try to eat healthy and to exercise so you do not become a victim of diabetes which will take a toll on your body very fast.
It's a bit cooler today but still muggy out. We had a very wicked thunderstorm during the night. We are also supposed to have a week of thunderstorms with high wind, hail, flash flooding and even a tornado is possible.
I got up during the night and was overwhelmed by the wind and thunder and lightening. It was scary. I stayed awake listening for an alert and was really relieved that my phone never went off. I was ready to take shelter if I needed to. Thankfully I didn't have to. We have really bad thunderstorms here in Texas. We always need to be on guard.
I know that this is short but I have some things I need to take care of in case my doctor wants me to come into the clinic. I hope and have crossed all my fingers and toes that I am not going to have to go to the hospital but I will not fight it if that is what they suggest I do because I know that the pain can lead to major issues with the kidney, especially if I have an infection. It will be better to get the antibiotics intravenously than to wait for an oral antibiotic. Wish me luck everyone...
Take care of yourselves and all my love to everyone... xxxx BB
Friday, May 15, 2020
Birds Chirping At 3:35 In The Morning
It is a breezy 75 degrees this morning and this is going to be the start of another hot day. We will be working up to 91. A repeat of yesterday and this is only May. We usually have another month before we hit the 90 degree mark but so far we have had several of these days this spring.
I took this photo of Stormy last week. He has been given a nickname by be. The Crat. Short for Crazy Cat. He loves my bed but he is grounded from it now. On this day I discovered that he had peed in my bed. (My New Bed) so he is grounded from spending the night with me.
I told Cathy to just let him sleep with me but that was a mistake. So now before we go to bed he gets put outside!
He is grounded too. He isn't coming home when he is supposed to. I wish the Vets would open back up so we can get him neutered. The animal hospitals are open but they want a fortune to sterilize our animals. Emily and I were talking about it the other day and she called to tell me that they are still closed and couldn't make Stormy his appointment. We are trying to get him in where she takes Maple because she feels that it is the best clinic she has dealt with and she has had 2 service animals before Maple.
I woke up this morning and made a trip to the bathroom. I was feeling refreshed and made a cup of coffee and went out. It was nice and breezy and I enjoyed myself.
The birds were chirping and it was just so peaceful. I came back in to work on my blog and I was looking at a notification on my phone and it was 3:35 in the morning!
Whoa what happened to the night? What were the birds doing singing at 3:00 in the morning?
I broke my glasses the other day. They fell off my face and I stepped on them. I broke the nose piece and it hurts to wear them so I thought that the clock said 5:30 am not 3:30. I am going to have to get some dollar store glasses or see if I can find the nose pieces until they open back up. I have one of those chains I usually put them on but it was getting my hair tangled up into the chain so I took them off. I know, I know... I shouldn't have been wearing them with out the chain because these frames are heavy to begin with.
So I bought a new laptop. It is a Dell Inspiron 2020 edition. It does not come with a DVD drive but it has everything else that I wanted.
The keys are very touchy. I appreciate the fact that they are a little wider than my other laptop but wow is it touchy. I had this post almost done and I hit a button and wiped it completely out. So I will have to be careful until I get use to it but so far I love it.
We have been busy here. I had to go to the doctor yesterday for a in house appointment that couldn't be rescheduled as it was for pain management. I don't want to run out of pain meds. I have been able to do them via telemedicine but they are opening up now so we had to step outside until another person left and then we could come in. Laurie went with me.
Before I did that I had to go back to my PCP for a blood test. My potassium is high again and they want to make sure it is coming down. I didn't realize that high potassium can cause heart attacks. I was also surprised to know that it was high. It is usually really low. Anyway they have a very efficient set up under a tent. I don't have to go inside the building, they can just come to me!
Karyn was getting out of bed the other day and did something to her neck. She has been in so much pain. She called her doctor and she had called her in some muscle relaxers and steroids and a cream and some pain pills. She came by yesterday afternoon after we got back home and she had color in her cheeks and said she was much better. She came to get Foxy to take home with her. She said she missed her little bad ass lol.
So really that is all that I have been up to. I came home yesterday, ate dinner and went straight to bed. I get so tired when I go out, even for just a little while.
I didn't even play on my laptop. I laid down and fell into a deep sleep. I guess I needed it.
I hear Jonathan stirring. I guess he is getting ready to go to work. I will close for now. We usually have a cup of coffee or a cup of tea together before work. So you all be good and I will talk to you soon... BB
Wednesday, May 13, 2020
A Nice Day
Asian Beauty By Rosie H
I hope everyone is doing well. I am fine here in rainy land. It has been raining all during the night on Tuesday and all that night and then off and on today. Drab, gray and wet but the critters are loving it. So am I to a degree.
We had 2 tornados in a county not far from us. I haven't heard the damage report other than it could have been a F3.
F3's can toss your house around pretty darn good so I hope that is not an accurate report.
What do you think of my little great niece with her chubby cheeks? Isn't she a doll? Her name is Jewelz Nichole. She was a little over a month old in this photo. I will have to get some new pictures from my sister over Mother's Day on Sunday and make some new pages of our newest little girl. She is such a good baby from what I am told.
I was able to stand out front 6 feet from my neighbors Julie and Emily last night and we had a blast talking. So we have decided that we are going to bring out some tables and chairs and each of us will make a main dish, some side dishes and a few desserts and have a nice little picnic in our front parking lot. We wanted to do this last month but we were all being good and staying home and only socializing on line and text messages except for Emily... She said that Maple doesn't understand Social Distancing lol.. Maple is her service dog. She is a yellow lab and she is so awesome.
We want to make sure that we don't have any rain in the forecast tho. That would be a bummer!
m There hasn't been much going on around here. David and Nathan went grocery shopping this afternoon and the house smells really nice with a rump roast in the slow cooker and I am hoping that David will make some kind of dessert. I love his caramel apple cheesecake. I have never tasted anything like it before. No one can eat but just a slice if that because it is super rich. I have a portion of a 1x1 inch square. It is a perfect size. It is really just enough to satisfy and not overindulge.
I am waiting for my new laptop to arrive and I am impatient. The waiting is really tough lol. I want to play!
I was getting out of Karyn's car earlier today and I dropped my glasses and by the time Nathan yelled stop I had stepped on them. I just broke the nose piece and they are not my new ones but it still made me sad.
I have to call tomorrow and get my latest eye prescription. Karyn says she doesn't have it but she was the last one to have it.
I was sitting in Karyn's car because she went out there because her doctor was calling her.
She got up this morning and turned her neck wrong and she was in a lot of pain. So I went with her so we could hear the doctor in the quietness of her car.
Her doctor called her in some medication. Steroids, a muscle relaxer and an something for the inflammation. I really hope that it helps because she was in a lot of pain. Poor girl. She said she was going by the pharmacy and then straight home and to bed. I didn't try calling her because I know that she was probably going to do just that.. get some sleep if possible.
I am going to close and go to bed myself so until next time you all stay healthy... Hugs to all... BB
Monday, May 11, 2020
This was done as a challenge. It was or is suppose to be a image coming out of a frame. I don't think that I did this right but it is still a favorite page that I did....
I can't sleep. the house is quiet and it is almost 3 in the morning. I have had a lot of things on my mind.
My friends, I have a confession to make. I have been in a very black hole for the past few months.
I have lost interest in so much. If it wasn't for my kids and grandkids and dear friends I am not sure how I would be and still I am digging myself out of that black hole.
Depression is something that I cannot define. I know that it is different with everyone and no two people experience it the same way.
For me I withdraw. I am still withdrawing. But I can see a bit of light right now.
I have always fought this battle and when I tried to reach out to my mom, my sisters or just anyone, they would say.... You have a great home, a beautiful family, money most of the time... what do you have to be depressed about?
I did have all of that and more but I also had a lot of things that was going on in my life that my home, children, and money couldn't fix.
My husband was a truck driver who was home maybe 2 days a month. I was raising my children alone.
My husband was a cheater and I couldn't fix it. I couldn't accept it and I couldn't leave, not while the kids were so young.
We didn't own our home in the original way most people acquire their homes.
My husband's parents bought the house and had it fixed where if we divorced I would not be able to stay in the house. I wouldn't have wanted to anyway. That town and his mother made my life a hell that to this day I cringe when I think of it. UGH....
So depression is not something new for me. Add my health issues to the mix and I have a gross soup that thickens in the pot as the saying goes.
Anyway I have not been doing as well to fight it off this time. I haven't had the energy either. I have just let things get out of control by not even attempting to try.
2019 and 2020 have not been good years for me. I have had a lot of health issues. My eyes, my diabetes, kidney issues and last week I was very sick. My doctor thinks that I had a touch of food poisoning but we don't know for sure.
My daughter Karyn took off work to help me. I finally had to get a shot of Promethazine to help me stop throwing up. I had oral medication but it was not helping.
I had to get a second injection and finally it kicked in and I started to recover a little.
I am still not where I need to be but I have been able to start eating a little. Applesauce has been a good friend the last few days lol.
Anyway I feel bad when I don't blog but I cannot help it when I withdraw. It has nothing to do with anyone but it affects a lot of people.
My grandson Dante came to me yesterday and whispered in my ear "I miss you Na-Na. We don't have me time anymore."
I really think that was the kick in the ass that I needed. I got up I got a shower and dressed and spent the day playing with my grandkids.
Another thing I am not doing is sleep. I am exhausted but I cannot sleep. I toss and turn and wake up about every our and nght before last was awful. I had these massive sweats and I had to change my night gown 3 times during the night.
Karyn had spent the night because she had a migraine and couldn't drive home. I got up Sunday morning and she was gone. She told Nathan that I kept her up all night. Bless her heart. I knew I did but she knows I can't help it.
After the sweats came the chills and I shivered until I fell back into the strange dreams only to wake up an hour later drenched in sweat once more. I must have had fever but I didn't feel like getting up to find the thermometer.
Last night I went to sleep around 11 or so and woke up with my left leg shooting sharp pains all the way down to the ankle. So I had to take a pain pill and I tried to go back to sleep but I just couldn't so I decided to get online.
I ordered myself a new laptop Saturday. It will be here Wednesday and I hope that I will like it. I have 30 days to return it if I don't.
It is a Dell 2020 Inspirion. I think I miss spelled that. I paid a little more for it than I should I believe. I was looking at a couple of other sites yesterday and I was sort of bummed. But it had been on my mind for days and I said to myself that if I didn't order it I never would.
This laptop is great and Knock on wood it stays that way but it is getting old. I bought it in 2012 right after my vascular surgery so I was able to have something to do while I recovered.
The battery died on it a few years ago and I have looked at the batteries and they are very expensive and I didn't get a good feeling by the only company I saw. I finally ordered one and it wasn't the right size. I contacted customer service and they sent me a label to return it and send me another one. I never heard back from them and I finally quit calling. I didn't get my money back either.
But I have this one set up in my bedroom and it isn't in a good spot. I need to rearrange my room I guess but since I have to have it plugged into the main I cant just pick it up and take it where I would be comfortable.
Also I love this chair I have. It came from IKEA and I love it. But it is not made to sit at a desk or table or what ever to type. I found a office chair so I will get one soon. And I would like a desk that is about 4 feet instead of 6 foot. I found one at Walmart for about $40.00 so that will do just fine for me.
I gave my desk to Jonathan when he started working from home. I had my laptop set up in the kitchen and used the table but little curious kids and little fingers I just put it away but I was sleeping in the living room on the sofa but the boys began to fuss about it and I really did need my room back and my space back but the table I am using now is really small and I guess what I am saying is It Is Uncomfortable!
I thought that this little corner would be perfect and maybe it will be when I get my desk and chair or the table. I think I would rather have the table instead of a desk.
I need to rearrange my bedroom. I think that what I would like is a tall bistro table and stools and set this corner up as a coffee station for my Keurig coffee machine.
My long dresser can go at the end of my bed and I can put my computer desk where the dresser is now.
Well my friends I am going to get off of here and go and make a cup of coffee... I will make decaf just in case I can sleep later. I am going to try and I am making myself a promise... right here... I am going to try harder to get up every morning and Greet The Day.... Even on the nights I cannot sleep.
I will try to catch up on everyone's blog as soon as I can. Hugs to you all and I will talk to you all soon... Please check in and let me know how you are all doing... BB
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