Surprise

This was done as a challenge. It was or is suppose to be a image coming out of a frame. I don't think that I did this right but it is still a favorite page that I did....

 Hello,

 I can't sleep. the house is quiet and it is almost 3 in the morning. I have had a lot of things on my mind.

 My friends, I have a confession to make. I have been in a very black hole for the past few months.

 I have lost interest in so much. If it wasn't for my kids and grandkids and dear friends I am not sure how I would be and still I am digging myself out of that black hole.

 Depression is something that I cannot define. I know that it is different with everyone and no two people experience it the same way.

 For me I withdraw. I am still withdrawing. But I can see a bit of light right now.

 I have always fought this battle and when I tried to reach out to my mom, my sisters or just anyone, they would say.... You have a great home, a beautiful family, money most of the time... what do you have to be depressed about?

I did have all of that and more but I also had a lot of things that was going on in my life that my home, children, and money couldn't fix.

 My husband was a truck driver who was home maybe 2 days a month. I was raising my children alone.

 My husband was a cheater and I couldn't fix it. I couldn't accept it and I couldn't leave, not while the kids were so young. 

 We didn't own our home in the original way most people acquire their homes.

 My husband's parents bought the house and had it fixed where if we divorced I would not be able to stay in the house. I wouldn't have wanted to anyway. That town and his mother made my life a hell that to this day I cringe when I think of it. UGH....

 So depression is not something new for me. Add my health issues to the mix and I have a gross soup that thickens in the pot as the saying goes.

Anyway I have not been doing as well to fight it off this time. I haven't had the energy either. I have just let things get out of control by not even attempting to try. 

 2019 and 2020 have not been good years for me. I have had a lot of health issues. My eyes, my diabetes, kidney issues and last week I was very sick. My doctor thinks that I had a touch of food poisoning but we don't know for sure.

 My daughter Karyn took off work to help me. I finally had to get a shot of Promethazine to help me stop throwing up. I had oral medication but it was not helping. 

 I had to get a second injection and finally it kicked in and I started to recover a little.

 I am still not where I need to be but I have been able to start eating a little. Applesauce has been a good friend the last few days lol.

 Anyway I feel bad when I don't blog but I cannot help it when I withdraw. It has nothing to do with anyone but it affects a lot of people. 

My grandson Dante came to me yesterday and whispered in my ear "I miss you Na-Na. We don't have me time anymore."

 I really think that was the kick in the ass that I needed. I got up I got a shower and dressed and spent the day playing with my grandkids. 

Another thing I am not doing is sleep. I am exhausted but I cannot sleep. I toss and turn and wake up about every our and nght before last was awful. I had these massive sweats and I had to change my night gown 3 times during the night.

 Karyn had spent the night because she had a migraine and couldn't drive home. I got up Sunday morning and she was gone. She told Nathan that I kept her up all night. Bless her heart. I knew I did but she knows I can't help it.

 After the sweats came the chills and I shivered until I fell back into the strange dreams only to wake up an hour later drenched in sweat once more. I must have had fever but I didn't feel like getting up to find the thermometer. 

Last night I went to sleep around 11 or so and woke up with my left leg shooting sharp pains all the way down to the ankle. So I had to take a pain pill and I tried to go back to sleep but I just couldn't so I decided to get online.

 I ordered myself a new laptop Saturday. It will be here Wednesday and I hope that I will like it. I have 30 days to return it if I don't. 

 It is a Dell 2020 Inspirion. I think I miss spelled that. I paid a little more for it than I should I believe. I was looking at a couple of other sites yesterday and I was sort of bummed. But it had been on my mind for days and I said to myself that if I didn't order it I never would.

 This laptop is great and Knock on wood it stays that way but it is getting old. I bought it in 2012 right after my vascular surgery so I was able to have something to do while I recovered. 

 The battery died on it a few years ago and I have looked at the batteries and they are very expensive and I didn't get a good feeling by the only company I saw. I finally ordered one and it wasn't the right size. I contacted customer service and they sent me a label to return it and send me another one. I never heard back from them and I finally quit calling. I didn't get my money back either.

 But I have this one set up in my bedroom and it isn't in a good spot. I need to rearrange my room I guess but since I have to have it plugged into the main I cant just pick it up and take it where I would be comfortable.

 Also I love this chair I have. It came from IKEA and I love it. But it is not made to sit at a desk or table or what ever to type. I found a office chair so I will get one soon. And I would like a desk that is about 4 feet instead of  6 foot. I found one at Walmart for about $40.00 so that will do just fine for me.

 I gave my desk to Jonathan when he started working from home. I had my laptop set up in the kitchen and used the table but little curious kids and little fingers I just put it away but I was sleeping in the living room on the sofa but the boys began to fuss about it and I really did need my room back and my space back but the table I am using now is really small and I guess what I am saying is It Is Uncomfortable!

I thought that this little corner would be perfect and maybe it will be when I get my desk and chair or the table. I think I would rather have the table instead of a desk.

 I need to rearrange my bedroom. I think that what I would like is a tall bistro table and stools and set this corner up as a coffee station for my Keurig coffee machine. 

 My long dresser can go at the end of my bed and I can put my computer desk where the dresser is now.

 Well my friends I am going to get off of here and go and make a cup of coffee... I will make decaf just in case I can sleep later. I am going to try and I am making myself a promise... right here... I am going to try harder to get up every morning and Greet The Day.... Even on the nights I cannot sleep.

 I will try to catch up on everyone's blog as soon as I can. Hugs to you all and I will talk to you all soon... Please check in and let me know how you are all doing... BB