How Are You Doing?

This is one of my favorite pages that I did and it is a shame that I didn't enter it into a challenge. I may have already shared it here but it never hurts to share something twice or more... LOL 

Hello,

I hope that your all doing alright. I guess I am alright on this end. We have had 2 days of very intense arguments. It must be in the air or something. It's just really been hard here. I don't have a strong hold on my emotions. I never have learned how to not become emotional especially when it is directed at me. So I did a lot of crying yesterday and today. 

It all started with Foxy. Karyn brought her to me and the boys were playing with her with Karyn calling her a taco and the boys calling her a burrito and I said she wasn't a taco or a burrito. She is a Diva and she has the perfect name Miss Foxy Love. I was joining in with the banter but it started a huge argument that I still don't understand. They said that they had been calling her that since she was born and they said that I was ordering them not to call her anything other than Foxy. I told them that I was just playing with them the way that they were teasing each other but they said that they didn't want justification from me and then it went to the way that I talk. They are all grown and I talk to them like they are still little kids. I know that my voice had raised higher because it always does. And then it got really bad because I told them that I don't treat them like little kids but I don't know how to talk any different than I do and if they didn't like it they could shove it. I was sick and tired of trying to engage in conversation with them and it starts a damn fight and Karyn ...... Ohhhhh ohhhh she made me soooo mad. She turned to me and pointed her finger at me and yelled "You just march your ass straight to your room." I saw RED. I was so mad that I lost it. No way was she going to come into my house and order me around. I told her "This is MY House. You don't come into my house and tell me what to do like I am a 2 year old. You need to get some respect."

 So yeah I was then accused of being a Devil worshiper since I was reading Witch crap and that I was bringing the devil into our lives. I remember shaking my head and thinking that she hasn't got a clue to what she is saying. I guess that all of the scary movies she watches and shows like Sabrina the teenage witch, Charmed and she was telling me about one she watched just a couple of weeks ago and those shows are far worse than me lighting a few candles and listening to some soft music on the night of a new moon is evil.

 I really don't know all of the dynamics because the arguments went from one silly thing to some serious things and it is the serious things that I am upset about. Jonathan Nathan and I had another argument this morning and guess what it was about? A bag trash!  Nathan came into the garage and asked me if I knew where the dustpan was. He was out front cleaning and I was getting the trash out of the kitchen trash can. I said Nathan here if you will take this out front I will come and help you in the yard and.... that started a fight. I had forgot that by saying what I did that I was ordering him to do something and I tried to make amends even saying that I was sorry. He stormed back in the house and said "Why don't you take out the damn trash." I said I cannot believe how your acting and you know that my knee is... He looked at me and said "Your knee isn't bothering you when you are hungry and go to the kitchen or your knee doesn't bother you when you want to go have a cigarette or when you want to go out with Foxy." Well by this time I was determined to take out the damn trash. I wasn't yelling or loud but then Jonathan came in and he grabbed the bag from me and said "Go sit down." and I am thinking how they are all ordering me around like I was a 2 year old. And to treat me as such makes me only more determined not to do what they want. By the time that Jonathan got back inside I don't know what Nathan said to him but Jonathan was on Nathan's side only it wasn't about my knee. From what Jonathan said to me was that I was telling him to take out the trash while he was busy doing something else. I just went to my room and shut the door.

 So I made another mistake by going to the kitchen to make a drink. Nathan was sitting at the table and Jon was in the kitchen making something and Nathan started telling me that they don't want my help. They don't want me to offer my help and it pisses him and Jonathan off when they see me doing things that makes them feel like I am undermining them and I said well what is it that you both want from me? They both said at the same time "Nothing." Then they went on to say that my knee wasn't going to get better if I didn't stop trying to do things like take out the trash or doing laundry and the list just went on.  "Look I cannot stay in bed 24 hours a day. I'm not doing anything and I wasn't going to take out the trash I was merely getting it together and when you left the garage after asking me about a dustpan I knew you were going back out front so I said Nathan here take out this bag with you since your going out front anyway. I finally was able to get the entire sentence out. By the time all that was over with I was emotional again.

 I have left a lot of it out because it is nearly 3 in the morning and for once I think that I can sleep. I know that my pillow is calling my name so I am going to give in. Have a great day to all... BB