A Lot On My Mind

I did this page today for no real reason other than I just felt like playing. Kits used from Tiny Turtle. A little of this and a little of that from several different digital kits.

Good Morning and Happy Saturday,

 I hope that everyone is doing well. I am ok on this end for right now at least and I am wishing the same to you all this gorgeous Texas morning.

 I was enjoying my morning coffee out on my patio but the mosquitoes were very happily eating me alive so I had to come in and decided to work on my blog now instead of this evening.

 

 I have a lot on my mind. Mostly family stuff that has kept me awake. I have fought going back to sleep. It is not insomnia keeping me awake right now. 

 I was awake around 1:30 this morning when I happened to look at my phone and noticed a message from my cousin. She said that she had been trying to call but kept getting a wrong number message and so I sent her my correct number. 

 She and her husband divorced years and years ago but they remained friends as she and he raised 3 sons.

 Last week he had been diagnosed with Covid19 and had been in the hospital and Friday (Yesterday) he called to tell her that they were putting him to sleep and asked her "Please take care of our boys if something happens to me." and then her son called last night to say that his conditioned worsened and they were putting him on a ventilator.  Such very sad news.

 I haven't slept well. After my long night and day without sleep I did finally go to sleep yesterday after I got home from the doctor. I had labs done and when we got home I went straight to bed and slept for a few hours but when I woke up to use the restroom I just stayed up. I talked with my cousin and slept fitfully off and on. 

Mostly I tried to stay busy doing a few things. I enjoy doing my housework during the quiet times of the night.

 I think that it's a hold over pattern for when my kids were babies. My husband worked several daytime jobs in between driving a truck long distance. 

 He was usually up around 2:30 in the morning having coffee with me and giving Karyn, Laurie or Matthew their bottle as I prepared his breakfast and lunch. Then I would breastfeed and rock them to sleep.

 I would do my thing while they were sleeping which usually consisted of washing and drying and folding the laundry. Washing up a few dishes and giving the bathrooms a once over and then later in the day we would all take a nap.

 Later on in my life I worked the night shift for many years and it has all stuck with me. I work while trying to figure out the right answer for my problems. 

 I wish I could find the right answer now to what is bothering me. If Only. 

  

When is the time right to just cut off certain family members? How do I cut them off? Do I just do it cold turkey and let it be or do I do it slowly? When is enough enough? 

 How do I express my feelings to them or do I just keep the reasons to myself?

 I don't see a clear path. I just have these deep gut instincts that are conflicting with my wishes to resolve the issues as best that I can and to my feelings to where I feel cutting them off or out of my life is just plain hurtful not to just myself but them as well.

 I am at a loss at this moment on how to handle the issues or the pros and cons of what my actions will determine or how it would impact my immediate family but one thing that I do know is that right or wrong I will have to come to a decision in the near immediate real time.

 Right now I am feeling very sleepy and I am going to take my morning medication and check my sugar and have a bite of breakfast and then go to sleep.

 Much love is being sent your way along with lots of blessings and I will talk to all soon... BB