Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Home Alone

 This picture is of my grandchildren sitting in a field of Blue Bonnets. The ribbon and bits and bobs are of the mixed variety from free sites when I first learned to scrap.

 Today I had my 6 months follow up with my cardiologist. He said that he would see me in a year unless I had a reason to come in sooner. So that was good news to me.

 Yesterday evening Jonathan and I went to the library. On the way we were able to see lots of blue bonnets, buttercups, primrose and an awesome rainbow. 
 We talked about Cisco on the drive. I didn't cry but my heart was heavy as I looked at the rainbow and thought of the poems and messages I have received on Facebook and private messages. The Rainbow Bridge. I still cannot believe that my little boy is not here. Tomorrow will be my first day home alone. 
 I won't have his little paw pawing me for his treat or to take him out or to pick him up and put on my bed or a million other little things that we did on our days home alone. 
 I know that a lot of people are finding me quiet. I am not really into talking much on the phone right now, or working on scrap pages or doing much of anything at the moment. 
 I hope that my friends understand this. I withdraw sometimes and right now I am hibernating and healing. In time I will be wanting to talk on the phone and scrap some pages and so forth, but not right now.
 My brother's one year anniversary is coming up on the 20th. That is not going to be easy to get thru either. But I know I will. It is just the way that I deal with some things. I talk until I run out of words, and I cry until there are not so many tears left and then I hunker down and hibernate with my own thoughts and memories. 
 Then one morning I will get up and it will be the start of a new day.

 I got a couple of books from the library that should keep me busy. I have several more doctor appointments to get thru. I have to change one appointment on the 26th as I have a doctors appointment at 9 in the morning for blood work and an eye injection at 10 and I cannot be in both places at once since they are across town from one another. I will call and see if they can reschedule the 9 o'clock appointment until after my eye injection. It is just for labs for my yearly physical. I can come in for that after the eye injection but I have my physical for May 3rd and they want my blood work back. It makes better sense to me to just reschedule both appointments because the eye injections really hurt and I had to have one done and then go to the doctor when I had that nasty boil and it was really hard on me. I know that I would rather just come home and lay down in a dark room and try to sleep so I will be giving them a call in the morning. Jonathan has already taken time off of work to take me for the eye injection so I need to keep that one for sure.

 I suppose where they took the mole and the thing on my inner thigh is healing because it is itching really bad. The one on my breast is really super sore. Where they froze the spot on my nose is itchy too and flakes of the old skin is coming off. I have to set up my portal with them and will do that tomorrow so I can get my lab results. I need to set up the portal to my heart doctor too. The receptionist asked if I wanted the appointment today or wait about 8 months. I said wait. Who knows what can and will happen in a year.

 I am getting hungry so I think that I will get off here and find something to eat and go and read. In the morning I plan to have my morning coffee out on the patio if it is warm enough. I could always wrap up in my robe but it was Cisco's favorite and still has his scent. It would just cause me to cry so I am hoping that I will have a warm morning to start the day.... 

 You all have a great Thursday. Take care of yourself and remember to love and be kind to one another.... Hugs to all.... BB


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